A Cock-Eyed Optimist


When the sky is a bright canary yellow, I forget every cloud I’ve ever seen….

As I lay in my bed last night, unable to go to sleep (which happens quite often these days), I had so many things rolling around in my head. And one of them was that I am just a cock-eyed optimist.

When I got all gung-ho about a march on Washington to protest another possible war, and wanting to include a lot of young people who would be affected, along with a bunch who already were affected, that came out of my brain on another sleepless night. But truth is, I am not capable of doing such a thing.

I was reading last night before trying to go to sleep, and I read an article in my AARP Magazine about scams on both men and women for money. Some of them came from Nigeria and Malaya, but it seems those who are being attacked are those who have signed up on dating sites on the Internet. Men and women are being romanced only to have their money targeted.

Well, I won’t fall for such a thing, and I am not on any dating sites. But it made me think about the blog I just wrote about a march on Washington, in which I very unthinkingly said I would need financial help. Whoa, stop, look, and listen.

Truth is, I don’t have a clue as to how to go about setting up such an event (though I’ve done some things in my life on a much smaller basis).

I do not know how to

Get permission to do a march and have a place for the meetup;
Get the needed public address system together;
Put up a stage and find chairs;
Get acquainted with the politicians I would love to be there;
nor
Advertise/publicize such a thing to reach the largest audience.

And when I said I needed financial assistance, I was thinking about myself and how I could get there and where I would stay and what concessions should be available and how to have water for everyone, or coffee, or anything else should it be cold or hot outside.

So I saying here, if anyone who can do all these things wants to run with this, then I would be glad to help in whatever way I could from Austin, TX, and then I would have to figure out how to get myself there.

Really, I’m just an older woman with lots of missing teeth and use a walker to get around. With delusions of grandeur, I guess. Though I was not in truth looking for glory for myself – just trying to get a point across.

I hear the human race, is falling on its face, and hasn’t very far to go
But every whippoorwill is selling me a bill, and telling me it just ain’t so.

A couple of years ago I was thinking very seriously about running for U. S. Senator from Texas in an attempt to get rid of John Cornyn. But once I got into the basics of how to do this, I was advised to check with the Federal Elections Commission (FEC) about what was required, and ran into the same old wall I always do – you have to have money to ask for money. Plus you have to have everything in place before you even file the paperwork to run a campaign.

So money is everything, a thing which I keep trying to disbelieve, thinking that we should all have the same rights, and the same chances, to do anything to improve the state of the States. I don’t want that to be true. Unfortunately, I keep forgetting that, and then come out with another, what I think is, great idea. And I jump and try to run with it, and then something comes along and says “uh uh, you can’t do that”.

I do not know why I keep this optimistic attitude in the face of so many reasons to not have it. I know I won’t ever change, so I know I’ll always have to face up to it eventually.

Many years ago, along about 1963, I was in a very optimistic state. This in spite of escaping from an impossible home situation. Then somebody murdered my president, and a war in Vietnam was heating up, I had two children which I did not know what to do with, and most of us of my generation did not believe we would live until 30. I finally decided then that it was no use being good and trying to accomplish things – I might as well go to hell since everyone was telling me that was going to happen. But the hippie/drug generation started, and I went all out to have a good time. I gave up my girls, started drinking, and was all promiscuous. Then one day, I woke up and I was 30, and I decided I should try to do something with my life.

I managed to live abundantly, and mostly correctly, with a few sidesteps into darkness, and today, here I am, basically content, pretty happy, and still a cock-eyed optimist. I wouldn’t change who I am, but I sure get over-excited when I come up with a good idea.

So I’m bowing out unless someone else who can afford it, and who knows how to do it, comes along, and then I’ll do my best to help.

I can hear people rant and rave and bellow, that we’re done and we might as well be dead, but I stuck like a dope with a thing called hope, and I can’t get it out of my mind……….

Lyrics from Cock-Eyed Optimist from South Pacific, music and lyrics from Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Carol Stepp
Austin, TX

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About carolstepp

Music is about the most important thing in my life, and I follow a large number of musicians, particularly Irish, Scots, Classical, Crossovers of any of these. I was writing a blog about Celtic Thunder regularly on MySpace, and now I have left them after a year, and will start writing my blogs here. I am 70, retired, living on Social Security, and have a lot of social network fans.
This entry was posted in Finance, Foreign Affairs, Friends, Health, Mental health, Other media, personal thoughts, Politics, War. Bookmark the permalink.

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